Hawkeye Republican

I DON'T KNOW, BUT I REALLY WANT A NANO: Traversing campus, one can often find a set of ubiquitous white earbuds snaking from a backpack or pocket. But, what sort of implication does this have for today's society? Barry Pump decides.

BEST HEADLINE EVER: Killers listen to "Bono Talk"--no, really, killers are really in tune with what Bono is all about.

FOR THE LOVE OF RAMBLING: A real Iowa journalist's blog can now be found on the Hawkeye Republican's list of links--bringing some repectability back to the blogosphere. Cheers to that.

Hey, maybe he'll be the first to break the story that Nussle is going to beat Van der Plaats in the Republican gubernatorial primary. Here's hoping...

THE DEBATE RAGES ON: Pink is the new pink? Apparently not.

Gawd...I hate law school professors!

MAJOR CONTROVERSY COMES IN ALL COLORS: As if Iowa Football didn't suck enough lately, now some feminist is raising cane. I'm sorry, a law school professor is troubled by Kinnick's interior decorating...and has received death threats.

Just like neon, leggings and Bon Jovi--you know, all the unjust things in life--it began in the '80s. Under the stewardship of beloved former coach Hayden Fry, the opposition locker room at Kinnick Stadium was painted pink.

Pink.

The color that made Molly Ringwald look "pretty" and became Elle Woods's signature is now applicable to Iowa Football. Or, I suppose it has been for awhile--it's just that no one really cared that a game played by exerting brute force (and let's admit, is kinda gay by nature...look piles of guys, ass-slapping, 2+2=4, okay?) would draw controversy over pink locker rooms.

I want someone to start picketing over the fact we lost to Iowa State! That's more outrageous and demeaning toward University of Iowa women than a pink locker room! Maybe we could rally at the Pentacrest to find a hotter quarterback? Perhaps Student Government could pass legislation to encourage the movement of the student section back to the 50 yard line?

All great causes to protest over. Waaay better than the School of Americas or pink locker rooms.

Pick your battles University of Iowa feminists, I mean, professors. Maybe Iowa isn't an environment where you can spoon feed your liberal tripe to students anymore. Who am I kidding? Just try to pick vulnerable undergrads who do not wish to one day suit people.

Pink is hot and here to stay, particularly pink that is ordained by Hayden Fry.

Check out a counter opinion at the DI.

BECAUSE HAWKEYE FEVER IS CONTAGIOUS AND OFTEN TRANSMITTED IN THE HALLS OF BURGE: Campus is abuzz. Following the resounding defeat of Ohio State yesterday...oh wait, I'm living in an alternative universe. I mean, following our astounding defeat yesterday, we've got a week of great festivities to look forward to here on campus. Like probably not beating Illinois. Depressing.

Seriously though folks, it's Homecoming time! So, get that school spirit in gear--hang banners, cause Havoc at Hubbard or march in a parade like those good old days in band! According to the official Homecoming website (seriously, it's even hosted by the Office of Student Life), the schedule is as follows:

Sunday, September 25, 2005
 Kickoff Carnival...Yippee!
 12-4pm
 @ Hubbard Park [read more]

Monday, September 26, 2005
 Blood Drive...which given my habit to faint, I will not be attending
 10-5pm
 @ IMU 2nd Floor Ballroom [read more]

Tuesday, September 27, 2005
 Havoc at Hubbard...Drew Tate, please don't get a concussion
 11-6pm
 @ Hubbard Park [read more]

Wednesday, September 28, 2005
 Sports Night...I think it's about damn time that we start devoting all of our resources to sports! Plus, luring people all the way out to Hawkeye Fields...
 6-9pm
 @ U of I Athletic Hall of Fame [read more]

Thursday, September 29, 2005
 Iowa Shout...Great...
 7-10:30pm
 @ IMU Main Lounge [read more]

Friday, September 30, 2005
 Parade * Pep Rally * Concert....I'm getting excited!
 5:45pm- ?
 Pep Rally and Concert located @ the Pentacrest [read more]
 Click Here for the Parade Route

Saturday, October 1, 2005
 Homecoming Football Game vs. University of Illinois...the point at which all of my hopes and dreams are dashed by Ferentz's inability to come up with new plays.
 Time TBA
 @ Kinnick Stadium [read more]

Well, looks like a lot to look forward to, eh? Seriously, anything that is sponsored by Taco Bell has got to be good--or at least cheap and slightly upsetting to the stomach. I digress.

BOLLOCKS TO BLAIR: Apparently a girl was arrested in England for wearing a slanderous t-shirt with this offensive, uh, statement. According to Horse and Hound:

A girl was arrested for wearing her “Bollocks to Blair” T-shirt at the Midlands Game Fair last weekend. Charlotte Denis, 20, a gamekeeper from Gloucestershire, was stopped by police as she left the Countryside Alliance stand because of the “offensive” slogan.

Thank goodness law enforcement is as effective in the UK as it is here. No one should make fun of Tony Blair...unless of course someone is making fun of his teeth, accent or parliamentary debating skills.

HURRICANES AND HOMELAND SECURITY: You heard it here first at the Hawkeye Republican--Hurricane Rita is a member of al-Qaeda. Whoa, calm down Michael Chertoff!

Before you get concerned about the meaning of a tangerine threat level, keep in mind that the government is very concered about our security. Here's how to plan for a catastophe.

Not that this video has anything to do with hurricanes. I have it on good authority that Hurricane Rita and Osama are tighter than Ted Kennedy's clenched teeth at the Roberts confirmation hearings.

I KID YOU NOT: Taken directly from Breitbach.com--top stories apparently include Tyra Banks's real breasts and Senator Leahy's support for Supreme Court nominee John Roberts. Clearly, one is more important than the other.

HINT: Note the order.

OTHER TOP STORIES


HEADLINE DATE SOURCE


Tyra Banks Proves Breasts Are Real on TV Sep 21 2:09 PM US/Eastern AP
Car Strikes Pedestrians on Las Vegas Strip Sep 21 9:14 PM US/Eastern AP
Crippled Jet Lands Safely at L.A. Airport Sep 21 9:24 PM US/Eastern AP
N. Korea Accuses U.S. of Plotting Attack Sep 21 3:09 PM US/Eastern AP
Women's Hands Cleaner Than Men, Study Says Sep 21 2:40 PM US/Eastern AP
Scientists: Cut Air Travel for Environment Sep 21 8:22 AM US/Eastern AP
Pentagon Nixes 9/11 Hearing Testimony Sep 21 9:00 AM US/Eastern AP
Bush Administration Touts Rita Readiness Sep 21 4:18 PM US/Eastern AP
Leahy to Back Roberts for Chief Justice Sep 21 11:27 AM US/Eastern AP
Oil Prices Surge As Hurricane Rita Nears Sep 21 4:02 PM US/Eastern AP

THANKS BEST WEEK EVER: Whoa, I never imagined that someone shared my life...Check out this video (turn up the volume for an extra treat).

ARRR: Although this grand occasion has come and gone, yesterday was National Talk Like a Pirate Day. So, even if you didn't incorporate Pirates of the Caribbean talk into your day, what the heck, make it a week!

To learn this lost art, I suggest studying Cap'n Slappy. Find below a valuable nugget of Slappy's advice.


Dear Cap'n Slappy,

Do you have to have a Parrot to be a pirate or talk like one??

Ahoy Parrot-head!

It's "Talk Like a Pirate" day, NOT "Talk Like a Parrot" day! The parrot is as much a part of Talk Like a Pirate Day as it would be at a Jimmy Buffet concert. Nice set dressing, but it doesn't make the songs any sweeter! The best parrots are the "stuffed/dead" ones. Unless you like to dress in newsprint.

Could you imagine "Talk Like a Parrot Day?" People would be gutting each other in the streets. "STOP REPEATING WHAT I SAY IN THAT HIGH NASAL VOICE! YOU #*#@($)#@!!!" people would say just before slitting you open with their cutlass.

Now, if you have a parrot, that's great! Treat them with care and they will be great gifts for your great grand children, but for the love of Neptune, leave them in their cages on September 19. And for Jimmy's sake, don't take them to the concert!

- Cap'n Slappy

HIGH FASHION: Anyone who enjoys affordable, stylish clothing must love H&M--I think it might even be a law in some states, say Illinois, though not so much Wyoming...something about a lack of plaid...

Anywho, the European line was intending to launch a new line by Stella McCartney plastering the face of Kate Moss all over billboards. Thankfully, there still is proof that standards and good behavior matter, since Ms. Moss was recently kicked to the curb due to a series of drug allegations.

More suprisingly, first the younger McCartney experimented with Adidas (because I really need to pay more for workout pants), now H&M. Not that designing for a line slightly classier and higher priced than Target brands is a negative thing, maybe just an interesting signal of the profitability of her own high-end line...or perhaps just a clever brand extension?

Huh. Back to worrying about politics.

THE LUCK OF THE IRISH?: Grumblings that Bono might abandon his native land of Ireland have been abound, due to discussions of ending tax breaks for the rich. Clearly, when determining tax policy, the Irish government must take Bono into account.

Then there are all of those nasty things perennially bald woman Sinead O'Connor has been saying about Bono and his massive love for Pope John Paul II.

Between everything going on in Africa and rocking out on tour, now Bono has to deal with this?!? Can't a future Nobel Prize winner/really cool rockstar get a break? Jeez!

EVERYONE'S FAVORITE ANGRY BRITISH DUDE: And you thought that guy from Hell's Kitchen was belligerently disgruntled...

No, George Galloway--the Labour Party's castoff representative--was, sadly, admitted into the US last week to debate columnist Christopher Hitchens. Mr. Hitchens had a quite a bit to say about Mr. Galloway prior to the debate.

Point--Christopher Hitchens:

"I think that's an approves thing to say but I will have to add for people to start pumping out propaganda before the bodies have even been uncovered in New Orleans staying and to make points, demagogues of, and saying they wouldn't be dead if they weren't black. People haven't been identified yet. Whose parents don't know where they are, and to say this wouldn't have happened if we weren't wasting money on Arabs? That, that is an appeal to the most base, provincial, isolationism, and chauvinist mentality."

Crazypoint--George Galloway:

"Blah, blah, blah...You know, Hitchens, you're a court jester. You're a court jester, not at Camelot, like other ridiculous former liberals before you, but at the court of the Bourbon Bushes. Barbara Bush, the Marie Antoinette of modern day American politics."

Apparently, they don't like one another...Check out a rousing commentary of the debate in the British press.

TV IS GOOD: Some dude broke the Guinness record by watching tv for over 70 hours...and he did it on Regis & Kelly...and he's not in college. There are two things very wrong with the previous statement.

Apparently the John Roberts confirmation hearings were more fixating than I thought.

MARK SIMONS' THOUGHTS: Here's hoping that apostrophe was in the right spot...

In the aftermath of Katrina, we've seen government failure on the federal, state and local level--but hey, if you're gonna fail, you might as well cover all three bases! Surprisingly, (or not so surprisingly for those of us that are stalwart supporter's of Ron Livingston's Office Space nightmare) corporate America has done an admirable job of harnessing resources.

As Mark points out in today's DI editorial, as of September 14th, the Chamber of Commerce reported over $614 million in corporate giving. Not too shabby.

I guess there is something to be said for a system that profits from efficiency...and from manipulating the workforce of third-world countries. Just kidding--remember, I am a conservative!

MOST RIDICULOUS ITEM OF THE DAY: Skorton wants more staff. Or, excuse me, following a review that found UI President David Skorton's office was "understaffed" compared to other Big Ten Schools, more cogs will be hired. Clearly, the university bureaucracy at a school of nearly 30,000 souls needs more foot soldiers to shuffle students around.

Really, just when Iowa had something to be proud of--a relatively small governance structure (since apparently football is out of the picture)--the university has to go and hold a "review."

TOP TEN ISU JOKES: I am still extremely bitter about losing the game. As a result, I feel a compelling need to mock Iowa State--let alone considering that it is funny enough that we would lose by a fluke to such an irredeemable team.

Drum roll please. Let the funny begin.

10. What do you call an intelligent person in Ames, Iowa?
Lost.

9. How is the Iowa State football team like a possum?
They play dead at home and get killed on the road.

8. Where was O.J. headed in the white Bronco?
Ames, Iowa. . . The police would never look there for a Heisman Trophy winner!

7. What's the difference between a porcupine and Jack Trice Stadium?
A porcupine has 40,000 pricks on the OUTSIDE.

6. What's the difference between Dan McCarney and a puppy?
Eventually, the puppy stops whining.

5. Two Iowa State fans are walking in the woods. One says, "Look! A dead
bird!" The other one looks up in the sky and says, "Where?"

4. Why don't Iowa State students use 911 in an emergency?
They can't find "11" on the phone dial.

3. What's the difference between an Iowa State national championship team
and Superman?
Neither of them exist.

2. Why did they quit serving ice water at Iowa State games?
The guy with the recipe died.

1. What do you call a convoy of John Deere tractors going down the road?
The Iowa State homecoming parade.

NOT JUST A JOHN MAYER SONG ANYMORE...The city of New Orleans--good times and hard-drinking. Yet even during the most horrific disaster ever known, the citizenry are still focused on what really counts. Sending urgent messages for supplies...in bottles?

"To whom it may concern: Please send with immediately, (one) ice-cold chest of Coors Light. I'm out at this time.

"Down to wine. Some shrimp and oysters would also be appreciated.

"Thank you," said the note, which was signed and gave an address.

America--because during a disaster we really, really, really need shrimp and Coors Light. I prefer Miller.

OKAY, SO WE DIDN'T: Watching today's football game was more painful than driving by Starbucks without stopping for a latte. Emotionally and physically painful.

But, it's fine. I'm cool with it. Stubbing your toe only hurts for so long--it's not a roadblock to victory. Iowa doesn't need some stupid scratched up "Cy-Hawk" trophy.

Laugh now Iowa State, because come January you'll be crying when you're stuck up at some no-name bowl game playing on astroturf in Idaho.

Go Hawks!

AND WE THOUGHT DAVID BLAINE WAS GOOD: No silly, he just hangs perilously above London in a glass box!

However, it seems that many colleges are doing the brainwashing--as opposed to career magicians (but shoot, with magic like Blaine's, colleges may be filling a market need)--with high-minded emphasis on tolerance and diversity screaming platitudes everywhere from the jargon on campus to long-term strategic plans.

Now don't get the jist of this rant wrong. Diversity and tolerance are both important and necessary aspects of society that should be hammered into the minds of all citizens--but to a point. There should be an implementation beyond just forcing the student body to conform to one-size fits all policies.

Indoctrination is a step too far, as is forced "acceptance" of values that cut across the fabric of society. People should be accepted as they are, not with an asterisk behind their name if they fit into a special interest group of "oppressed" or "disadvantaged" individuals. I may be as high-minded as the general university policy I criticize, but in my view the ultimate goal of a functioning society shouldn't be a series of exceptions or special treatment for any group.

A former colleague at Heritage Foundation, does a great job a pointing this out on a recent post explaining the perils of political correctness in academia. Ms. Kerry (her cheeky alias) provides an insightful commentary on the mix of religion, tolerance and university policy in America. Take a look at it on VDARE.com.

PEACE ON EARTH: Some people have suggested that we give the world a Coke; others have called for an end to the development of nuclear arms; everyone's favorite internationalist, Woodrow Wilson, suggested the League of Nations. Jimmy Carter even did something...apparently...

But it was not until 2005 that from the dark shadows cast from the evil of humanity, arose our champion--Bono.

That's right folks. If you didn't think that two Supreme Court vacancies and the ransacking of New Orleans by Mother Nature were not sure enough signs of the Apocalypse, consider the potential Nobel Peace Prize nomination of Bono.

It's not that I don't think Bono should be nominated, it's just that I wouldn't be able to enjoy Joshua Tree without snickering if he won.

Next year, I'm nominating Sean Penn. I hear he likes boats in bayous.

PARTY-LINE HURRICANE: After 9/11, Americans came together--despite the stagnant political environment. After Hurricane Katrina, it appears political views starkly reflect Americans' approval for the Bush administration. A new poll released by ABC News tells the tale of two Americas (to borrow a cliche from the former senator from North Carolina).

NAGIN'S OTHER CRITICS: Check out this article from Slate.

MANDATOARY EVACUATION?: Great question. Drudge's link.

CORPORATE AMERICA--IT'S A GOOD THING: In the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, several companies have stepped-up to provide significant funds. Thus far, here's a brief rundown of some of the major donors.

1. Honda has donated $5 million to the American Red Cross Disaster Relief Fund.

2. Costco is raising money at their cash registers and will donate $1 million.

3. Telecommunications giant Alcatel will match $1 million in employee donations.

4. Freddie Mac is donating $10 million and Coca-Cola has pledged $5 million.

5. The United Health Foundation of Minneapolis has pledged $10 million.

Kudos and keep it up!

FAILURE IN LEADERSHIP: As the enormity of the hurricane disaster continues to tailspin out of control, who is taking accountability? Who is in charge?

Surely not New Orleans police officers; several of whom were filmed by a stunned field reporter looting a Wal-mart. Most certainly not Democratic Senator Mary Landrieu and Governor Kathleen Blanco who have decried the deplorable situation in their home state loudly on the news circuit. And definitely not New Orleans Mayor C. Ray Nagin.

Not that I profess to be any expert on disaster relief, but it's my understanding that planning for massive disasters is not simply the job of the Federal Government. Initially, state and local officials need to have an adequate plan in place; they need to understand what supplies and resources will be required. The Federal Government does not have planes of nurses and fresh water loaded up and ready to go where any disaster strikes. Instead, it is the duty of state government to prepare for the initial onslaught of disasters until the Federal Government can respond.

The role of FEMA--which has already been widely criticized and to much extent, rightly so--is to help with state and local efforts to command and coordinate until more resources arrive. I fear in the coming days, we may discover that these resources were simply not in place.

Over the past several days, New Orleans' untested political leader has said little to inspire confidence to a population clamoring for a sliver of hope. Instead, he has repeatedly spoken of the massive casualties and placed fault of the increasingly disturbing human story squarely on the shoulders of the federal government.

In an interview with WWL-AM Nagin completely dismissed comments that requests aid from local and state officials first. Instead, he responded hostilely that:

"We authorized $8bn to go to Iraq, lickety spit. After 9/11 we gave the president unauthorized powers, licked spit, to take care of New York and other places. Now you mean to tell me that a place where most of your oil is coming through, a place that is so unique... that you can't figure out a way to authorize the resources that we need?"

Good point. But, you need to do your job too. The scale of the tragedy is massive, but it is the role of the mayor of New Orleans to provide leadership and direction for the struggling refugees, not to provide ignorance and desperation. He went on:

"I don't know whose problem it is, I don't know whether it's the governor's problem, I don't know whether it's the president's problem, but somebody needs to get their asses on the plane and sit down the two of them and figure this out, right now."

Hallelujah. But right now, let's not focus on assessing blame and wringing our hands in frustration. Let's get the job done. At some point, we'll have to sit down and figure out why inefficiency on behalf of our public officials has cost lives. With utmost respect, Mayor Nagin isn't helping.