DRINKING TEA AND TAKING NAMES: There's nothing like recovering from the flu and dealing with incompetent municipal, state and federal law enforcement officials. For real. We're doomed.

My story: Once upon a time, Laura decided to go to Greece. She was a good little study abroad potential--planning early, learning the weird and indistinguishable Sanskrit alphabet of the freakish language that is Greek and contacting everyone really, really early.

However, she did not count on the fact that the law enforcement in Iowa is collectively retarded. In order to secure her Schengen VISA, she needed a federal criminal background check. The Cedar Rapids Police Department referred her to the Department of Criminal Investigation who referred her to the Linn County Sheriff's Office who told her to go to Des Moines to the State Department of Criminal Investigation.

Dutifully, she drove across the state in an attempt to get her freakin' fingerprints processed and sent into the Feds. After traveling to the Greek Embassy in Chicago, she went to the Iowa City Police Department who referred her to the Department of Criminal Investigation who referred her to the Johnson County Sheriff's Office who told her to check the FBI's website, which was wrong.

So folks, after a month of ferrying in between the collective stupidity that "serve and protect" about as well as a blind chihuahua, I finally contacted Congressman Jim Leach's Office. Who helped me. Alot. By giving me the customer service number of the FBI.

I had to contact my congressman to get the FBI's customer service number.

To be fair, once I did get a hold of the FBI they were extremely responsive. Also, several folks from Congressman Leach's were, undoubtedly, on the phone for quite a while trying to help sort things out.

In summary, Cheers to Congressman Leach and Jeers to municipal and state law enforcement agencies who have no clue how to take fingerprints.

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