Hawkeye Republican

SIX INTERESTING SANTA FACTS:

1. The US Government tracks Santa. Unfortunately, the FAA mixed-up some paperwork last year. May Rudolph, Dasher and Comet rest in peace.

2. He occasionally likes to deliver crap from Russia to outer space.

3. Ever since caving to elf demands to lower the retirement age to 55, Santa has had to take on extra jobs.

4. A scoop by a Colorado newspaper reveals that Santa does not have any tattoos. Finally the rumors of North Pole gang wars are dispelled.

5. He is full of cookies, milk, holiday cheer and cocaine.

6. Santa is actually Jewish.

Merry Christmas Everyone!

P.S. Santa--the Russian cocaine and re-drafted elf pension plan will be alongside your cookies and milk.